Spelling test, provincial capitals, and an unfortunate city name

Yesterday M had a playdate with a friend. As both boys are in the same class, they get the same spelling words.

Before the playdate was about to end, I decided to quiz them both on their spelling words. The words were Canadian provinces and their capitals.

So it went something like this...

British Columbia - boys get busy writing on their papers

Victoria - tongues hanging out in concentration

Ottawa, Ontario, Edmonton, Alberta, and so on we went.

Saskatchewan - okay, ready for the next word, I ask?

Regina - ....sniggers and snorts coming from my child

They say the word again and "look" at each other and burst out laughing.

V-Regina blurts out my kid.

That's a girl part, ahahaha, hee hee, V-Regina...!

Oh boy.

Okay funny, haha. Yes, Regina sounds like Vagina. And I'm sure every resident of Regina has heard it before three times over.

I can just imagine the spelling test today at school and all the boys erupting in giggles when the teacher says Regina...

Paranoia is really stressful

Okay, there I admit it...I'm paranoid to the max.

Sometimes I wonder if perhaps I'm too paranoid. Is that possible? My motto is prevention when at all possible, because who wants to deal with the alternative if there is no prevention.

I keep my children on a pretty tight leash...literally. So much so that I sometimes wonder what the heck other people are thinking when they don't. I always have my kids in my sights (I've been known to walk backwards just to keep an eye on them).

Last week two unique things happened that had me wondering...

When I was walking along Vancouver's Coal Harbour, I was at a spot where there is a 10 or so foot drop from the ledge down to the rocks below (depending on tide height) - no barrier or wall AT ALL. A lady and man were walking with a stroller and their two (approx) year old girl walking, mom pushing the stroller. While they were arguing about something, the girl was walking TOO close to the ledge and they had no idea about it. One small slip and kid over board.

Uhm hello!! I was so tempted to do something, walking in front of the kid, interrupting the parents, anything because all of a sudden I could see in my mind a kid falling over the ledge, head smashing on the rocks below, or drowning....and next thing I know it's my kid's faces I'm seeing.

The other episode happened when I was walking home from work and involved a mother and her 8 (approx) year old daughter roller blading along the Stanley Park sea wall entrance on Georgia. The girl stopped to look at the Canada Geese and the mom kept on going. As I was walking - I slowed down - I kept looking back...mom is still going, girl is still looking, mom is getting farther away, girl is still looking, mom is getting to a busy intersection to cross...girl is still looking at geese...

HELLOO, do you know where your daughter is (in my mind she's being yanked into a car and abducted...and of course again the faces of my kids are in play).

I've always accused hubby of not paying attention to the boys when they are all walking. In Germany I deliberately held the boys back while hubby kept going in a busy area of Munster. And of course to prove my point, he finally turned around and didn't see us and started worrying. WHAT IF I WAS NOT THERE!?!?!?!?!?!

I see this all the time. It takes no time at all for your kid to be picked up and taken and lost in the crowds in the arms of a stranger never to be seen again. It kills me to think of this happening.

I know I'm a bit judgy at times and bad things happen to really good people. I hate that. Some things aren't preventable and you let your kids out into the big bad world and hope and pray for the best. But sometimes what I see is totally preventable - people just need to pay more attention.

Ya, I'm paranoid!

Seriously... STOP!!!

Okay here's what I don't get, and it's been bugging me for a while whether the kids are in or out of school, but really had my blood boiling the other morning when I was trying to help my kids cross the street to walk down to school...

Why do cars NOT STOP at a marked cross walk when there are children trying to cross the street?

It seems like it shouldn't take a rocket scientist to figure this one out:

• 8:30 in the morning...check
• Sept. 7 first day back at school after labour day...check
• Two schools in the neighbourhood that if you're driving along the street you probably know about...check (if you don't you're an idiot)
• Children walking with large backpacks hanging off their backs...check
• Same children stopped at a marked cross walk....

Uhm, so the answer would be STOP YOUR F%&!#ING CAR to let the kids cross the street?? I don't know, seems like the correct answer to me.

Unlike some of my American friends, in my neighbourhood we don't use school buses, in fact the only school buses that I know of are for private schools. It's just not done here. We have sidewalks EVERYWHERE and they get used. (No offence to my American friends, I'm just stating a fact - love you all)

Kids walk, ride their bikes/scooter (lazy one's get a ride three blocks - pathetic) to school. It's what we do.

So why is it that I have to stand out in the middle of the road with my arms out, screaming like a lunatic for the cars to stop (embarrassing my 12 year old...yes apparently I have to help my 12 year old cross a street so he doesn't get hit) making a complete ass out of myself, with a mini van bearing down on me, then slamming on the breaks, tires skidding (so....you weren't going to stop I guess??).

I'm at a loss here folks. I quite simply don't get it.

The Piss Mom Off Chromosome

Yup, my 12 year old has it. This chromosome that suddenly sprouts pre-teen, is switched on and pretty much runs rampant and makes itself known in a big way.

The Piss Mom Off Chromosome, otherwise known as the "I'll keep my room a mess just to defy the old nag", as well as "if you tell me what do to I'm not going to do it".

Warning, this chromosome comes along with extra special add-ons like "go have a shower, your body is changing (ya stank)", and "can you please remove your shoes - preferably to a location miles from me", all followed by a resounding "NO!"

This chromosome dramatically changes a luvy, snugly little boy into a sarcastic, foul mouthed, defiantly other worldly, raised in a barn, comatose, genetically altered, Nintendo DSI attached man-child who, surely to GOD I never gave birth to.

It's almost like the terrible twos didn't leave, they just hibernated for a few years, then came back with a vengeance to crap all over my world.

And what's with this plowing through my fridge and food cupboards like a Tornado ripping through a town? Nothing but crumbs and dust on the floor in his wake.

I feel like murdering love my boy but good lord, REALLY?!?!? I've gone through the manual the doctor handed me at the hospital 12 years ago to try to troubleshoot this. I think the instructions are skewed. I wonder if I can find my receipt and make a return.

Okay fine, I'm kidding.

*The man-child is still living - I haven't murdered him...yet

**I've got an 8 year old heading in the same direction. Yay me. Humph!

***I was never like this, never...really ask my mom...

The Lunch Box

You know the music that accompanied the shower scene in Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho when Janet Leigh was being attacked? That's the same music I heard in my head when I went to open up my 8 year old's lunch box the other day.

I knew this was going to be messy to the extreme. And boy was I right.

True to form, per Burps, Farts, and other Yucks, my 8 year old is pretty mucky. His "holder of smoshed food" is even muckier.

This is what I found when I opened the lunch box:

This picture doesn't do it justice.

The red goo all over the place is apple/strawberry sauce (which ended up all over the inside of his backpack).

Some of the cheerios are adhered to the sauce goo.

The ziplock bag that the cheerios are in is covered in the apple sauce (one thing I hate to handle is wet plastic - gives me shivers)

Oh yeah, and the apple sauce is also smoshed into the seams of the lunch box material.

This is my daily chore - cleaning out the lunch boxes and the 8 year old's is truly disgusting!

Thank GOD I didn't give him a banana...

Bring back "Sports Day"

School is coming to a close, kids are winding things down in their classes. And with this end of the school year comes Sports Day, right?

WRONG!

In case you're out of the loop, it's "Fun Day", because God help a child who should actually lose in a competition.

The Sports Days that I remember as a child are a thing of the past...

Endless obstacle courses where you competed against another kid for first place.


Cheering and screaming from your friends to help you get past the finish line first.


Winning ribbons according to where you placed in each event.


The school property absolutely loaded with tons of awesome events that were maned by volunteer highschool students.


NEVER getting a first or second place ribbon in any event because I sucked at them.

And coming home to tell mom and dad about the totally fun time I had and didn't win any ribbons and I can't wait until next year.

What the hell went wrong? The theory now (and I'm pretty sure it's the same with your kids school) is that they don't want the kids to feel left out of any "winning". In other words, they want the event to be fair for all the kids.

Uhm, hello?!?!? Life is full of competition. Take my 8 year old's recent baseball game. They LOST it and now aren't playing for first or second place in the league. And guess what, the kids were totally upset and crying. Isn't that part of the learning process of competition? Suck it up buttercup. Yeah your upset but you'll get over it. It'll happen again and again too in your life. Now let's do your best to win the next best place - third!

Like I mentioned before, I never won any competition, EVER, and do you think it's affected me in my life? I SUCKED IT UP!

Needless to say, my 12 year old didn't want to go to school for this "event", and I can't blame him. It's boring, the "events" are pathetic, and they are also divided by primary and intermediate. Soccer is only available to the primary kids. WELL WHAT IF THE INTERMEDIATE KIDS WANT TO PLAY SOCCER ALSO?? They can't!

This is nonsense, I tell ya, nonsense!

Oh yeah, let's bring back the TUG OF "WAR" too. "Tug of Peace", what the frack is that?!?!

*no kids won a ribbon at this Fun Day cuz of the "no competish" rule

**12 year old had a totally fun day with his Gramma instead

***8 year old came home looking like this: (he had a little bit of fun)

My desire to not lose

...and at the risk of getting backlash for sounding like a poor sport Mother...

During my 8 year old's last baseball game (which was the first in their playoffs - yes they have playoffs in little league) I realized that my desire to have the team win was so intense, that I had to take a step back and have a momentary self check.

I started wondering why did I feel so intense about winning?

I think it has something to do with the fact that I was pretty pathetic physically and academically growing up, I never "won" at anything. Self rant can be read here.

I want so much to finally feel a win through my kids (who did not inherit my muddled academic brain and clumsy physical ability, thank you Good Lord above for small miracles). I know that's selfish of me.

I never played any sport growing up - soccer, baseball, etc - I was too scared of the ball hitting me. In dodge ball at school, I'd be targeted by the bigger stronger boys and damn those balls hurt when contact is made with your bare skin. And in gym when we'd line up for team picking for any sport, I'd ALWAYS be picked last.

I didn't have sport trophies lining my bedroom shelves. I was given a yellow ribbon for "Good Effort" at each school Sports Day. Try wearing that during Sports Day while everyone else has their Red first place and Blue second place ribbons littering their t-shirts.

Academically, I'd work my ass off to earn a "C" grade in many subjects. I distinctly remember my grade 6 math teacher Mr. Martin giving me a passing grade for good effort. I seem to remember getting a 51% 'good effort' mark in Grade 10 History.

So yeah I want my boys baseball teams to win. The frustration I feel is quite intense when there is a loss. I guess I want my boys to experience that 'winning feeling' that I've never felt when it comes to sports and academics.

And as for my academically inclined 12 year old (I have to Google half the stuff he's working on because I have no clue how to do it), I want him to feel good about his smarts and get good grades.
You know you're not smart when your grade sixer asks you a simple math question and you stand there with a stunned look on your face trying to understand what he just asked you (was that question in English?? Go ask your Dad).

*this post was written during a vent of frustration
**no dodge balls were hucked at children during the creation of this post
***for the record, I'm very proud of my kids