"I've got a fanny pack, wanna see it?"

What not to say in the UK (or if you're me, what you do say and see what happens, hehe)

I come from a British background. I was born in London, UK, but grew up in Canada where of course I learned to speak “Canadian, eh”. My parents, and grandparents would speak to us kids using their own “UK” vocab now and again. My parents have pretty much adopted the Canadian language now, eh? So my exposure to strange “English” words and phrases has been sparse over the years.

I had my first “OH MY GOD SHE SAID WHAT??” faux pas when I was visiting my Sister in London where she was working. She took me out to a restaurant to meet some of the peeps she was working with. One of her co-workers noticed that I wasn’t carrying a bag/handbag/purse/whatever, and asked me where all my stuff was, in my coat pockets? To which I replied with “no, I’ve got a fanny pack, want to see it?” To which they replied, “I sure hope so you are a girl, right?”.

Uhm…I don't...get it?

I learned then and there what a fanny pack is in the UK. Not to be confused with that dorky looking sack thingy we North Americas use for storing our stuff conveniently in when exercising, that sits either above our arse, or if reversed, over our lady/man parts.

I’m heading off to the UK in a couple of months so I thought it would be fun to learn me some new “English” language so that I can fit in. But some of it is downright funny by Canadian standards. Let’s review shall we?

So of course what I think of as really funny usually has something to do with body parts (a-hem) cuz my mind is usually in the gutter - not around the kids of course!

Willy, Todger, Stiffy, Knob, John Thomas, Stonker - all to do with man parts: check and check.

Biggie -what a kid calls his/her poop. HAHAHAHAHA. Wonder if there's Wendy's in the UK. I'm going to ask for a "Biggie Fries" and see what reaction I get.

Crusty Dragon - eeewww a booger. My kids will have fun with that one.

Faff - I actually use this one. Probably because I did it when I was a kid. "Stop faffing around..." my mom would say. In other words, stop farting around.

Fanny - See here's where I went wrong per the above. My fanny is my back side, right? NOT!

Pear Shaped - Means something has become a disaster. So does that mean that a pear shaped lady is a disaster? Ouch!

And check. On that note, time for me to Sod Off.