For two mornings in a row, said alarm clock didn't "alarm" in the morning, resulting in the Mom waking up way late for work.
Waking up "way late for work" results in the Mom speeding through morning rituals:
- Half-ass hair wash
- Underarm soap not being rinsed completely
- "Other" soap not being rinsed completely - potential awkward ichfest
- Record breaking shower that should have earned a speeding ticket
- Forgetting to brush the teeth - thank God for the ancient toothbrush and toothpaste at work
- No eye makeup
- Speed-drinking the morning coffee - resulting in a stomach cramp
- And just generally whacking the Mom's day off kilter
Alarm clock will not be missed because this is not the first, second, or even sixth time it hasn't "alarmed" in the morning. Alarm clock has earned the nickname "Piece of Shite".
The funeral was held after work. By funeral the Mom means the zillion little pieces that were the "Piece of Shite" being unceremoniously dumped in the trash.
Good riddance, Piece of Shite. You will not be missed.